Sunday, March 29, 2009

Jehovah Jireh "the Lord will provide"

This week my Bible Study was about Jehovah-jireh, the Lord will provide. It was timely. I need to remember that Jehovah will provide for me. And I need to remember that He is providing in ways that I am unaware. I know that He has provided us with the ability to pay our bills through August. I know that He is making provisions to sell our house. He will provide us with a church to serve in. He provides comfort even when I reject it. Jehovah will provide our needs in the right time. He provided a way for Brian to get a seminary degree. I could continue.

I have to admit that I haven't been as faithful to God lately as He has been to me. I have allowed depression and sadness to flavor my moods, especially recently. I have done this knowing all along that it was wrong. Yet, even knowing that it was wrong, I was unable to do anything differently. I hate feeling helpless. I hate not being able to find a "fix" for my own problems. I hate and am sick of being sad. I know that God wants and expects better of me and my choices. I think that is probably what bothers me the most.

In the Bible Study, there is a statement that stands out to me. It says, "Since He is God, when He sees, He foresees." He knows the end to the beginning. I'm sure that sometimes He probably wishes that I could see things from His perspective. I will remember that when Jehovah-jireh provides, He is providing with absolute knowledge of what is needed.

Next week's study is about Jehovah-rapha, the Lord who heals. I can't wait. I think I need that one just as much as I need Jehovah-jireh right now.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Year of Thirteen Ends

Today is my 14 anniversary. There is no more year of thirteen. Brian and I went on our first date Friday the 13th in August 1993. Ever since then, the number 13 has been meaningful to us. Last year, when the year of thirteen was about to begin, we had expectations that we believed would happen in the year of thirteen. We expected God to call us to a church to serve Him. We expected to sell our house and move. We expected our life to be settled by now. And we expected that we would have a chance to take a romantic vacation in celebration of the year of thirteen.

Apparently, our expectations were not God's plan for the year of thirteen. Instead of being a year of jubilee, it was a year of trial and pain. Brian's income ended in May 2008, but God provided an additional opportunity that has provided financially (it runs out in June). We began talking to a church in August and in February they decided that they would not be calling us to serve in their church. So, we had to start from the beginning and mail out resumes again. In August, we celebrated Jacob's adoption. Two weeks later, God took him to heaven.

Looking back, the year of thirteen was not very fun. However, I refuse to allow it to be wasted. Let me tell you a few things that God has done:
1. He has given us promises.
2. He has given us comfort.
3. He has given us peace.
4. He has allowed us to have experiences that will help us minister more fully to others.
5. He is teaching us through our current situation to trust and rely on Him even more than we were.
6. He has provided financially through the end of June.
7. He has kept us healthy.

I could continue for pages. The year of thirteen was hard, but I choose to see it as preparation. I thank God that He loves me enough to prepare me for the future He has planned for me.